So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
