True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
