Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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