Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
