so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
