Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
