I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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