You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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