How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
