I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
