so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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