She said her name was "party"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
