i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
