So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
