we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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