This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize