i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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