somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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