We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize