I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
