1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
