His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
