if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
