So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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