you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
