So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize