i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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