Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
