FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
