Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
