just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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