His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
