Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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