am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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