mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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