Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
