No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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