I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
