I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
