i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
