Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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