Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
