I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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