he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
