Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
