she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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