I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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