nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
