no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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