I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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