you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
