direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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