His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
