She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
did i just pee glitter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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