I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
