i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
