You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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