At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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