My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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