And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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