Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
