So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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