Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
