so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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