I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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