literally had 100 drinks last night.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
