Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont even know how to be here
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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