Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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