onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
