Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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