I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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