So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
