Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
