at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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