She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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