Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
