she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just tell him i said nine months
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Two words: blizzard sex
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
