I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
