Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
