You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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