I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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