I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just forgot I was standing up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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